Waiting

Whelp...here's the deal. When my life gets busy, or is out of the norm, my room gets messy. Clothes stay on the floor much longer than they should, dishes pile up in the sink, and I go into a sort of survival mode. Starting back in November, Robbie and I joined the staff at Doulos Discovery School for a 4 day food fast--we did a version of the Daniel fast (for more info http://daniel-fast.com/), and focused our prayer on where the Lord was leading us in our ministry. Basically, we knew that by mid-December we needed to be able to tell our Managing Director at Doulos if we were able to commit to another year at Doulos or not. Obviously this was a big decision for us, and through fasting, prayer, and talking about it, we really felt that the Lord was calling us back to the States. So, from January until June, we were in the midst of our last semester at Doulos. A time where my life was busy with friendships, students, neighbors, rescuing a dog and having her join our family, planning a move back to the U.S., AND learning that we were PREGNANT! Now almost nine months later, I am still pregnant, and just announcing it to our blogging world. Surprise!
I am surprised that we hardly have any pictures from those past 6 months. Our life had become so "normal" that taking pictures seemed weird--we were really soaking up time with friends that we had made over the last 2 years while living in Jarabacoa. Lo siento.
Life is looking different now. Here in the States. It doesn't feel like home, and yet we had kind of expected that it wouldn't...now we are just experiencing what that feels like. It feels like heartache. Some mornings I wake up and realize I was dreaming in Spanish, or of friends from Doulos, or neighbors in Jarabacoa, and I wake up sad. Sometimes I find myself having conversations with myself in Spanish, and really missing my neighbor Vanessa, and teaching assistant Rosmery---the 2 women with the most impact in teaching me Spanish.
I get anxious at times, wondering what the Lord has in store for us here. Robbie is teaching Physics and Honors Physical Science in the High School setting, and I am gearing up for a complete role change. Kindergarten teacher of 4 years, turned mom. What? The plan is that I will be staying home with our kids until they are all at least in Kindergarten---thats been our hope all along, and now that the time is here, for our first to arrive (really, any day now), I find myself missing the classroom more than ever! Some is nerves, and some is change and getting used to it.
Robbie and I are also looking for a home in the Andover area where he is teaching and where we have found a wonderful church. We have been looking since we got back to the States in June, and continue our hunt while we live with some of the most generous friends ever. They have given us a bedroom, a room for our baby, and taken in our lovely pooch. And we couldn't be more grateful.
During my times with the Lord this week, I have been meditating on the verse in Psalm 46, where it says, "Be still and know that I am God." He really has been teaching me a lot about waiting on Him and His timing. Today, as I watched Patch (our puppy) looking out the screen door with her ears perked by the activities of the birds and squirrels, I prayed that He would speak to me in the silence. But, more than hearing an audible voice, I felt encouragement to continue observing Patch. My prayer has been for clarity on where to live--to buy or rent, near Andover, or near family. I am at a struggle with myself. I need to do my part in looking for places, and I need to trust in God's timing and provision. In watching Patch, with her ears perked in curiosity and attentiveness, I realize the self control and self discipline she is displaying. As badly as she wants to chase those squirrels up a tree, or whine, or paw at the door, she doesn't. She waits patiently, alert, and ready. Some days I don't even let her out to chase them when I see her like this--not intentionally, but some days her patient behavior doesn't get rewarded. Today is different though. Her patience has spoken to me. Time to be free Patch--go get those squirrels! My prayer now, is that I can be as patient in my waiting in life for the things I really want. To keep a good attitude and rely on the Lord's perfect timing. Trusting Him to provide. For He really knows what's best.